I'm Scared
by AWluvvbug
Summary: Max has to face her true feelings for Logan and everything that goes with it. OK guys here's the last chapter! Read and enjoy!
1. Built in Defences

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~> This is my first fanfic and I'm a little nervous about it. So please tell me what you think, bad or good. There will be a part that is a song fic, but not yet. Things in italics are thoughts. Both Max and Logan pov. Enjoy.

~>PG

I'm Scared

Chapter 1: Built in Defences

Logan's birthday was only a week away and Max had been wracking her brain about the perfect gift. If it wasn't for Bling, Max would never have known about Logan's birthday at all. The biggest problem for Max was about crossing the line of their non-relationship relationship.

I have no clue what to get they boy who has everything. Max smiled as she thought to herself.  I could always get him a cork remover for his wine? No, that's stupid. That really says 'Happy Birthday'. He already has a few anyway for all his pre-pulse wine. I could go lift some cool art piece from a rich guy. Nah, the last time I tried that look what happened. Max couldn't hold in the small laugh as she thought of Logan's reaction to her first break in. 

"You're a thief?"

"A girls gotta make a livin."

"Thank God."

Okay how 'bout something of mine to remind him of me if I ever have to leave or something? The thought of ever leaving Logan scared the hell out of Max so she quickly dismissed the idea.  It's not like I would have anything he would want anyway. Maybe a picture of me, or of  us ? NO, definitely too personal. We're not like that, he said it himself. Logan. God, sometimes it doesn't seem like we're just friends. When you look at me with those beautiful blue eyes of yours that can break down all my defenses, I just wanna.....Stop it! Friends we are just friends. Arrrgghhh!

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As Logan sat in front of his computer trying to save the world from the bad guy of the week his thoughts drifted to Max, as they always did. He couldn't believe that he had almost pushed her away because of Lydeckers pictures. Of course he was shocked at first to see the blood thirsty look in his dark angels eyes and her face covered in blood. But she was a child then and knew nothing else but violence. Logan had always known that Max had been put through hell as a child, but the pictures made it real to him. His entire being had filled with disgust and fear when he saw them. And he almost let his fear of  what she could have become had she not escaped cover his knowledge of  who she has become. Knowing that Max was born, bred, and raised to be a 'killing machine' to take out people like himself ; who want to stop what's left of the government from taking whatever freedom is left in the country, but overcame genetics doing the exact opposite of what she was created for, made Logan love her even more. Yes, Love. Logan had come to terms with the fact that he had fallen for Max, and fallen hard. He had never seen such self-control, strength, both physical and emotional, compassion, attitude, humor, innocence but at the same time the complete lack there of, wisdom and ignorance, and of course her undeniable beauty. But most of all Logan admired her loyalty. Why a woman like her would stay by his side after he cruelly put in the chair was beyond him. Logan let out an exasperated sigh.

Cale , get a grip. Max is perfect, why would she want anything to do with this broken shell of a man? Anyway, you stupidly told her that 'we're not like that', even though you know she means way more to you than a set of legs for Eyes Only. But she agreed with me. You are such a moron! What were you thinking? But if we're only friends why did she come back to Seattle when Lydecker had the city swarming with soldiers? Could she think of me as more than a meal ticket? Highly unlikely Cale. You blew that one when you said the kiss meant nothing, and it didn't happen. MORON!

*****************************************************************************************

"Hello?"

"You paged?" Max replied with a servant-like tone.

"Yeah." Logan chuckled at her unending sarcasm.  She's so cute sometimes.

"What's up Logan?" Max said a little suprised that she had to ask.  It's not like him to stall.

"What? Oh! Yeah. I was wondering if you wanted to stop by for dinner?" 

"Tonight?"  He is definitely acting weird, almost flustered. 

"Yeah."  Cale, stop it! Why are you so distracted by all the nights possibilities that will never happen? Logan's mind drifted to them talking after dinner on the couch, then they cuddled as they watch something on TV, then to them kissing, feeling Max's soft lips on his as they moved to the bedroom...

"Logan?" Max said in a sing-song voice trying to pull him back from where ever he was.

"Logan are you ok? You seem distracted?" 

"Oh, yeah I'm fine." Logan tried to clear the image from his mind as he tried to convince Max he was fine.

"Fine. You want me to bring anything?"

"Nope. Just you."  Can you sound like a bigger loser Logan? Just you. ugh.

"See ya after work?"  sound normal, sound normal

"Yep. Gotta blaze." click.  What is goin' on in that cute little head of his? Whatever it was it was most definitely not his next culinary miracle.  Fighting the urge to giggle, Max walked to her locker in Jam Pony headquarters, with a small smile making it's way to her lips.

*****************************************************************************************

As Max picked the lock to Logan's penthouse she began to wonder for the millionth time what was going on in Logan's mind earlier that day. Max smiled at what she hoped he was thinking about, because she knew what had been on her mind ever since she almost lost him to his own self pity. 

During dinner there was yet another brown out that had become almost expected. Lighting candles around the kitchen, dining room, and living room, so they could see, Max wandered to the couch making herself comfortable. Somehow they ended up dancing, or pretending to dance. Having Logan so close to her made her heart race. Max got as close as possibly to Logan, as they sat in the middle of the room quietly holding one another relishing in the fact that they had both let their guard down. It didn't take long for their lips to find each other, softly meeting and parting, and growing with passion every time they met. Logan brushed Max's hair from her neck and showered it with his soft kisses. When he reached her barcode he paused to lightly brush his finger across the mark that identified her as different from other women, and he loved that about her. His touch sent chills down her spine, Logan smiled at the effects of his touch. Max had never seen Logans eyes so blue, so bright, so full of love, for her. 

"Max," Logan whispered as he kissed her forehead. Max lifted her eyes to meet his. "I love you."

"Max? Max, you alright?" Logans voice brought her back to reality. As Logan looked at her, he seemed a little worried.

"Oh, yeah fine." she replied as the image blurred from her mind.

"You sure?" he asked unconvinced.

"Yep. So what's your Cale family favorite for tonight?"

Max you really need to get a hold of yourself. You're not even in heat. Oh, God, does that mean that he means more to me than a free meal. Of course he does moron you know that. But could I?...... no, you can't. Emotions are weakness remember. 

*****************************************************************************************

Their dinner was a quiet one, simply lit by some randomly placed candles. The two were content just eating their meal and staring at each other until they were noticed. Max listened to the background music as she finished eating. It was some classical piece that Max had never heard. Max once again caught Logan staring at her from the corner of her eye and tried not to smile so he wouldn't know he had be caught staring.

"Who is this?" she asked Logan trying to take her mind off of how hot Logan looked in candle light.

"Beethoven." Logan said as he wished he could tell her how he really felt.  Not now. All good things come in time. I could wait for Max forever.

"The dog?!" Max was shocked as she thought of that big slobbery dog playing something this beautiful.

"What? Oh no."Logan laughed at her comment about the pre-pulse movie.

"No there was a composer in Europe named Beethoven a few hundred years ago." 

Max was embarrassment showed in her increasingly red face. 

"They must not teach you about brilliant deaf composers in Manticore." 

"Not unless they wanted them dead." Max smiled as she spoke to let Logan know she was joking. Manticore had always been a touchy subject to Max and with good reason. Logan hated himself every time he mentioned it. 

"Hey Max?" Logan asked quietly lacking his usual confidence.

"Yeah Logan?"  What is going on with him? He's acting so weird today.

"Do you want to dance? Because we never really got to finish our first dance."

Max's head shot up when he mentioned their shared dream, all she could do was stare. Logan smiled as he lead her to the open floor.

"Umm, how" Cutting her off Logan took her had and gently pulled her down on his lap. Max immediately tensed at the close contact, but Logan's reassuring arms calmed her as she wrapped one arm around his neck and the other around his shoulder. Max curled up as close as she could as Logan moved them around the room. She loved to have him this close. As the music continued their dance came to an end, but Max cuddled closer when Logan gently put his arms around her and rested his chin on the top of her head. 

I have never felt so safe in my life, not even with Zack. I wish I could stay here forever and not have to worry about Lydecker and Manticore ever again. Logan has done so much for me and he doesn't even know it. He gave me something to believe in, someone to trust wholeheartedly. I know that whatever happens Logan will always be there for me when I need him. I don't want to think what I would do without him. He means too much to me for me to lose him.

"Max you sure you're okay?" Logan whispered into her hair.

"Yeah. Just thinkin'" 

"About?"

"You." Max said barely audible. Logan began to play with her dark curls as a smile crept to the corners of his mouth. Max snuggled closer again trying to close any remaining space between them and held onto him tighter as if he would fall.

Cale do you know how lucky you are? The woman of you dreams is here in your arms, trusting you enough to completely let her guard down. And you know Max never lets her guard down. And most of all she's thinking about you. Probably in a 'thanks for the food but we're just friends' kinda way, it's better than nothing. Max, if you even knew how much you mean to me.

Logan kissed the top of his angels head wishing that he could keep her here forever. Expecting her normal 'gotta blaze' reaction Logan held on a little tighter when she shifted to see his face.

"So were they good thoughts?" Logan said as he flashed a mischievous smile that Max matched in an instant.

"I guess you could say that."

Be careful Max, don't do something or say something that you might regret later.

Slowly Max leaned in and kissed Logan sending electricity through both of them.

Oh my God she kissed me!

Oh my God I kissed him!

Max pulled back looking into Logans eyes trying to find answers to unasked questions about them. Logans free hand moved from her waist to frame Max's face brushing a lock away. Never breaking eye contact Logan brushed the pad of his thumb over her soft lips sending chills up her spine.

Breathe Max, breathe. Why does he have to look at me like that, I can't refuse him anything. He's just so damn cute sometimes.

Logan kissed Max so gently it was as if he thought she would break. When Max kissed him back, Logans heart leapt.

Max, please don't leave me now, don't run. I would do anything to keep you safe, to keep you here with me. Just please don't leave me.

It didn't take long for the passion to intensify between the two because of the months of denial. Then out of nowhere the little voice in the back of Max's head got really loud.  run. get out of there. emotions are weakness.  run.  Wishing that she was stronger to fight off her inner-soldier Max broke the kiss and was faced with Logan's eyes begging her not to go.

"I can't do this Logan." Max got up and headed for the door, stopping before she left she turned to Logan who was still in the same spot, still pleading with her to stay at least to work this out.

"I'm sorry." Max's heart broke as she walked through the door way.

"Me too." Logan said after the loud sound of his door latching echoed through-out his empty apartment.

"I love you Max." 

Good Logan, tell her after she's gone. She probably would have run faster if you told her. She's just not ready to hear it yet.

well, tell me what you think please. review, and e-mail me if you want and be honest. luvvbug101@hotmail.com 


	2. Love Hurts

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I'm Scared 

Chapter 2: Love Hurts

Damn it! Why do I have to be me? Why do I always have to run.  Max thought as she sat in the stair well of Logan apartment. I hate this freak show of a body that I have. I hate it! Why can't I ever be happy?  Bitterly wiping away her unending tears Max tried to get a hold of herself. Just pick your sorry self up and go talk to him, he'll understand or at least try to won't he? No, you can't do that Max. You care about him too much now as it is. Just go home and drown your sorrows in rocky road ice cream and get on with you life. Everything will be ok. Yeah right.  Max laughed to her self about her delusions, because she knew nothing would ever be the same again.

****************************************************************************

When she walked out that door she took my heart with her. Logan still sat in the same spot as when Max had walked out almost an hour ago.  He couldn't take his eyes off the place she once stood. Of all the  normal women in the world why do I have to love  her.  I'll tell you why Cale, because everything about Max is your perfect compliment. We're like the tow missing pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that fit together perfectly and make the picture compete and it finally becomes clear. She's the reason that I keep trying to fix this broken world. She's why I get up in the morning, she's the one reason that I'm still alive. She's saved my life in more ways than one how many times? Max makes me forget about this God awful chair because she doesn't see it. I can't live without her. 

Logan finally moved to the couch leaving behind his view of the door and giving up hope that she might come back. Grabbing a bottle of rum Logan flopped down on the couch drinking away his pain, or at least trying to. 

"Max, you have completely ruined me for other women. They will never come close to comparing with you."

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"Listen Boo, you know you love him. Why else would you bust outta there when things start gettin' cozy." Cindy handed Max a cup of coffee the next morning.

"We're not like that." Max said pathetically as she sipped her coffee.

"Yeah and that's why you kissed him." Max gave Cindy the eye warning her that she was on dangerous ground.  Why do you have to be right all the time OC. Especially when it comes to Logan. But I do not love him.

"I just want to forget it ever happened."

"Think what you want Boo, but it did happen and you can't change that."

****************************************************************************

Logan and Bling sat in Logan's spotless kitchen as Bling handed him a glass of green sludge.

"What's in this thing?" Logan asked as he took a potent wiff of the drink.

"Doesn't matter, it will help with the hang-over." Logan sat the glass down pushing it away. 

"Just drink it" Bling pushed it back. "So are you gonna talk to her or what?" he asked as Logan downed the entire glass.

"Oh, God that's disgusting." Logan tried to forget about the taste in his mouth as he thought over Blings question.

"It' s not that simple. It' s Max's choice if she wants to talk, she is the one who ran." there was a trace of bitterness in Logans voice.

"So are you gonna talk to her or not?" 

"Yeah. I'm heading over to Jam Pony in a few minutes." Logan push away from the table to grab his coat.

"Good."Bling said following him into the hall. "I'm glad you decided to tell her how you really feel about her. Max is smart, but she'll never know if you don't tell her."

Logan opened the door to leave, "I never said I was going to tell her that." Logan shut the door before Bling had the chance to answer. 

I'm not in the mood for a lecture Bling. Even if you are right. After last night she has to care about me more than a friend. She kissed me. That's got to mean something. I just want to make sure that she's alright. 

****************************************************************************

"Hot run! Hot run!" Normal bellowed towards his sea of uninterested employees.

"I got it." Max said as she grabbed the package from Normals hand.

"You okay? This is your 10th run today and you've only been here for 3 hours. Not that I'm complaining."

"Just give me the address Normal." Max spat. She wasn't in the mood to deal with Normal or anyone else for that matter.

"21 Pendalton." 

Max flashed an irritated smile as she walked out the door pushing everyone out of her way.  Just stay focused on work. One step at a time right? There you go, you can do this.  Max thought as she headed off in the direction of Pendalton . Yeah this is just one of the many things us genetically engineered kids can do. Take out 25 armed soldiers single handedly, break into high security facilities, become an expert cat burglar, and destroy the best relationship that I have ever had in my life. But hey, I've gotten by all these years on my own. Who needs Logan Cale a.k.a. Eyes Only?  Max sighed sadly. I do.

****************************************************************************

Logan made his way down the sidewalk towards Jam Pony.

Just try to talk to her. Don't even mention what happened last night, except for her abrupt departure. Yeah that works. If she wants to talk great, if she doesn't, Logan took a deep breath, I'll live. Somehow. Just make sure she's okay.

"Oh, excuse me!" Logan said as he adjusted to move out of the large man's way whom he just bumped in to.  Pay attention Cale. 

"Yeah you betta move crip!"the man barked

"I'm sorry." Logan apologized again shocked by the mans reaction. Without warning the man began to push Logans chair into a nearby alley.  What the hell? 

"Hand over your money!"the man pulled out a gun and cocked it ready to fire. "Now!"

Oh God. Stay clam. Clam, yeah. If I wasn't in this stupid chair I could do something. I probably wouldn't be here in the first place. Use your head Logan, you're smart aren't you?  Taking a deep breath , Hey God, I could really use a little help about now. 

****************************************************************************

"Hand over your money! Now!"

Why can't I have one quiet day with no bad guy ass to kick? Max thought as she neared the alley the sound was coming from.

"Look, calm down. You don't need to resort to violence. Anyway I don't have any money, if I did it would be yours."

Logan? No. Great, now you're hearing things too. Why would Logan be down here anyway?

"You must wanna die crip. Hand over the cash!"

Crip. Oh my God. Logan! Max quickly closed the distance between herself and the alley. When she saw the gun a foot away from Logans head Max's heart stopped. Then next thing she knew she was running towards them.

Damn it Logan! Why do you always have to be the tough guy? And why do I always have to save your ass? Why do you always have to find trouble? Why do you always find trouble with guns? Why do you mean so much to me?

"That's it crip, you're dead." Out of the corner of his eye Logan saw Max running towards him with a look of determination and fear.

Max! Max, no.

As Logan heard the click of the trigger being pulled he felt Max collide with his chair as she pushed him out of the way, "Get down!" she yelled and he hit the ground with the sound of the gun firing.

"MAX!" Logans scream echoed through-out the alley as the gunman ran away in fear.

Here you go, chapter 2. Hope you like it, and there is more to come I promise. Any feedback is more than welcome. Don't you love cliffhangers?

~>Dark Angel is not mine no matter how much I wish it was so sueing me is a waste of time and money.<~ 


	3. Touch and Go

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I'm Scared 

Chapter 3: Touch and Go 

"Max. oh, God Max." 

Logan dragged himself over to where Max's lifeless body lay. 

Oh God, please let her be alive. Please let her be okay. 

Carefully Logan pulled Max onto his lap. 

"My God." Logan whispered in shock when he saw the large gunshot wound in Max's side. Reaching over to check for a pulse Logan feared of what he may find. There it was, weak but it was there. Good she's breathing too. Logan pulled Max a little closer. 

"Max. Max, sweetie, can you hear me? Come on Max wake up, it's me Logan." he coaxed trying not to cry. "Why did you do that? Are you high or something?" he asked thinking back to one of their first conversations. 

I have to get her out of here and back to my place. But how? Why didn't I bring my cell phone? Ugh. My main priority is getting Max back to my apartment where she'll be safe. 

**************************************************************************** 

"Thanks again Sam." Logan said shaking hands with the only doctor he trusted with Max. He met Sam back when he first learned of his paralysis, and he had stuck with him since then. Logan knew that Sam wouldn't ask too many questions about Max and her situation and would cover up any odd test results if need be. 

"Logan, if you need anything just give me a call, okay?" Sam gave Logan a pat on the shoulder. 

"Yeah." Logan turned to the small fragile Max lying in his bed unconscious. Bling led Sam to the door thanking him once again and returned to find Logan sitting at the foot of his bed looking at the pale frame of Max. 

"You're lucky Sketchy came by and let you use his cell. How did you explain...? 

"He didn't see her. I had pulled my chair over so I could climb back in and get help, but I didn't want to leave her. So as I was sitting there fighting the battle in my head Sketchy saw me and said 'hey'. I asked to borrow his cell and Sketchy being Sketchy just threw it at me and said to return it later because he had some fine girl waiting for him or something. That's when I called you." 

Bling simply nodded try to not look amused at Sketchy's hormone driven actions. 

"How's she doing?" he asked sitting down beside his boss and friend. 

"Sam said she lost a lot of blood, but no organs were damaged thank God. I guess she touch and go." Logan let out a shaky sigh and turn to Bling looking him in the eye. 

"She could die Bling and it's all my fault." His eyes fells and turned to Max once again. 

"Logan, this isn't your fault, you can't blame yourself. You didn't pull the trigger or drag her into that alley." he said resting a reassuring hand on Logan's shoulder. Logan just shook his head not believing his innocence. 

"If I didn't go to see, her I wouldn't have gotten jumped and she wouldn't have gotten shot trying to save my crippled ass." 

"Stop right there. Don't you dare blame this on the chair. Walking or not you couldn't have done a thing. And Max would have come to save your walking ass too. It's not your fault." Bling said trying to make Logan understand that he had no fault in this what so ever, except for not paying attention to where he was going. But we all do that. 

"I can't lose her Bling." Feeling helpless Bling offered a kind smile. 

"If you need anything call me. No matter what. OK?" Logan nodded. 

"Max is a fighter, she'll pull through." turning as he reached the door he added "Even if it's just to kick that guy's ass." Bling thought that he saw a smile cross Logans face when he walked out the bedroom door. 

**************************************************************************** 

She looks so fragile, so innocent. Logan thought as he moved up on the bed so her could reach her hand. Max I love you. I so sorry I let this happen. She's so tiny he thought lacing his fingers through hers. 

He would never have believed that this small girl was the same strong woman that broke into his high security penthouse so many months ago. Seeing her so weak and vulnerable made it hard to believe that she was created to be a super soldier. Logan gently brushed away a stray piece of hair, but his hand lingered at the side of her pale face. 

"Max, I don't hear me or not, but if you can, hell even if you can't, I'm so sorry I got you into this. Sometimes I think you'd be better off if we never met. Anyone I've ever cared about always gets hurt somehow. Look at Peter, he's dead now, because of me. Valorie's a drunk because I cared more about my work than our marriage. Daphne's a lesbian and I'm sure I had something to do with her 'discovery'. My parents are gone, Uncle Jonas...." he trailed off. 

"But we did meet on that fateful night you broke in to steal Bast. I have to admit I originally went looking for you because you were gorgeous, and you still are. Even now, as you're lying here, fighting for your life." His voce cracked. 

"But as I learned more about you, raiding your apartment - which I still feel awful about by the way -finding you at Crash, and discovering your past, I was hooked. I missed you as soon as you walked out the door or jumped out the window. I couldn't wait to find some new scum just so I could page you and have you come for 'business'. As I got to know the real you, as you began to trust me and open up, I missed you when you were in the other room. Max I'm this happened. It's all my fault. You can blame me for this and everything else that's happened to you, I don't care. Just wake up. Please. You can't leave me Max. You can't." Logans tears began falling freely now some landing on their entwined hands. 

"You saved my life more than once, then you gave it back to me. You gave me something to live for. You're the reason I pull my sorry butt out of bed in the morning. I would do anything to take back the last few hours so I could somehow protect you from this. Max I need you." Logans tears turned to sobs as he looked down on his dying angel. With his strength gone Logan laid down with Max so his head was near her ear and his arms wrapped around her. 

"I'm not going to leave you until you wake up Max. I'll be right here. You're not alone, not anymore." 

*"You're all I want. You're all I need, Max. You're everything to me Max. I love you. I'll always love you. No matter what. I love you." he whispered in her ear as he cried himself to sleep holding her the entire time. 

*Thanks to Lifehouse of the tiny bit of lyrics(12 on cd) 

TeeHee!! Don't ya love me? oh what's gonna happen? I will be posting the next chapter very soon promise. 

~>Don't sue they're not mine. 


	4. Visions of Manticore

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I'm Scared 

Chapter 4:Visions of Manticore 

"Logan? Logan where are you? Logan?" Max called as her voice echoed through-out the room. As she looked around her surroundings became painfully familiar. The large room was filled with cots, one for each sibling. The clinical grey paint was unchanged. Then she heard the cries and the screams. The ones that were audible to everyone were those of the nomlies. But the cries her heightened sense of hearing picked up brought back all the pain she tried to leave behind, were those of her brothers and sisters; the X-5's. 

"No. No, no, no, no. I can't be back here. I can't." she whispered. "Logan!" Max screamed as she ran to the door checking for guards. As she stepped back to kick down the down a swift and hard blow sent Max falling down on her back, knocking the wind out of her in the process. 

"Get up soldier!" the order came from the man standing above her. 

"Lydecker." Max said in disbelief. When she didn't respond he kicked her in the side cracking a rib. 

"Get up soldier! Don't make me say it again." Max slowly rose to her feet checking for any other guys that could be a threat. 

"There's no one else." 

"And why should I believe you? All you've ever done is lie to me, to us." 

"Lie to you? I'm the only one who has actually told you the truth." 

"Right. You are not human. You were created to be a superior soldier." Max mocked Lydecker's arrogant tone from her youth. 

"Do you really think that you friend Logan never lied to you. Do you know what he thinks about what you are? What you really are? The man has a lot of secrets being Eyes Only. Lying is in the job description." Max's eyes changed from emotionless and empty to cold, deadly and worried when Lydecker mentioned Logan. He never knew Logan's name. 

How does he know about Eyes Only? Logan, Bling and I are the only ones who know about Logan's alter ego. Oh God let him be okay. 

"Where's Logan. What did you do with him." Max demanded trying to not let her fear show. 

"That doesn't matter." 

"What the hell did you do with him!" she screamed. The cold back of his hand connected with Max's face bringing tears to her eyes. Her tears weren't out of pain because she had dealt with worse, much worse. It wasn't out of fear for herself because she had done the impossible as a child along with 12 of her siblings, they broke out of this hell-hole. Max's tears were out of fear for Logan. Who knows what Lydecker would do to him just to et information he knew Eyes Only had. Her voice became dangerously low and throaty as she spoke. 

"I swear, if anything happens to him, I will not think twice about ripping your heart out while it's still beating." 

"Now there's the heartless killer I trained. Welcome home Max." 

"Go to Hell." 

"I thinks it's time to get down to business."Lydecker said as he push Max into a nearby metal chair. "Where's Zack?" 

"I don't know." slap. 

"Where is Zack." he said enunciating slowly as if she didn't understand. 

"I don't know you sick son-of-a-" Crack! The butt of Lydecker gun came down hard on the side of Max's head catching her off guard as a line of blood trickled down her forehead. 

"Fine. You don't want to talk." Lydecker banged on the door with his fist. Soon Brin came into the room dragging a badly beaten Logan behind her. Max flinched as Logan was roughly thrown in a chair placed about three feet in front of her own. 

'Are you ok?' they mouthed to each other, both nodding in response. Max could see the fear in Logan's eyes, but she could also see his concern for her safety. 

"Now listen carefully Max. It's very simple. Either you tell me where Zack and the others are or Eyes Only dies. Understand? Now where is Zack?" 

"I don't know. I really don't know." she cried as tears fell down her face, wishing that she could somehow save Logan. 'I'm sorry.' 

"That's too bad." Lydecker put his gun to Logan's temple. 

I can't let him die. I have to do something. 

"Commander Lydecker Sir!" Max stood at attention. It had been so long since she had addressed Lydecker like that and it shook her core more than she expected. Lydecker turned to her seemingly interested. Max took a deep breath to brace herself. 

"Sir. I will turn myself in Sir and begin training once again Sir if you would let the hostage go free Sir." Max and Logan's eyes connected for what could very well be the last time. 

'I'm not worth it Max. Save yourself.' 

'I can't let them kill you.' 

Lydecker nodded in agreement "Very well." Turning to walk out of the room he nodded at Brin with a secret order Max didn't catch. Brin removed the gun form it's holster and shot Logan in the base of the neck just as they were taught as children. Being shot in a small square inch area at the base of the neck insure a slow and painful death. 

"NO!" Max screamed as her arm shot out grabbing Brin's gun and firing off two rounds killing both Lydecker and Brin in seconds. Brin was no longer the sister Max knew and loved. And watching her kill Logan proved it. As for Lydecker he had it coming. Dropping down to her knees Max gently picked up Logan's head and laid it on her lap. 

"Oh God, Logan. Hold still for a sec, k." 

"Uhhuh." Max leaded over to see the damage Brin's shot had done. Damn. Brin always was a good marksman. 

"I don't know what to do Logan." Max said as she cried seeing his blood on her hands. 

"Max." 

"Logan I'm gonna get you outta here." 

"Max, no."he rasped "it's too late." 

"Don't say that." she commanded "You're gonna be fine." she lied trying more to convince herself more than Logan. He tried to shake his head but winced at the pain. 

"You're free Max. Lydecker's dead. You don't have to run anymore. You can finally have a life." 

"What kind of life is it going to be without you?" she said grabbing his hand holding it tight. Logan shifted some so he could see Max's face better. 

"Max, can you send all my files.." he was cut of by a painful coughing spell. Max's tears turned to sobs as she watched Logan fading away. 

'I can't believe he's thinking about Eyes Only.' 

"Yeah Logan you know I will." she sniffed. "You can't die on me Logan. I have too much to say to you. I-" Logan quieted her with a finger on her lips. Max took a shaky breath as she looked into his blue eyes trying to burn them into her memory. 

"I love you Max. I always have and always will." Logan's voice began to weaken as his breathing became labored. 

"Stop it! Don't you dare say good-bye. I can't do this with out you. I can't do anything without you. I need you. Logan please don't leave me. Logan, I love you."Max sobbed unable to control her grief any longer. 

A smile formed on his face as he began to say something, but Max silenced him with a kiss. Soft, gentle and desperate. A kiss that begged for more time, for Logan's life. A kiss that tried to say everything they never got a chance to tell one another and trying to say everything that they would have in the future. A few minutes into the kiss Max felt Logan's lips fall away and his hands lose their grip. Max slowly pulled away to look at the love of her life, her savior, her solace, her best friend, the greatest man she ever knew, her everything gone, leaving behind only and empty shell. Max pulled Logan's lifeless body towards her hugging him close as she cried from the depths of her soul. A howl that could only be described as complete and total agony echoed through the chambers of Manticore. 

"I'm not going to leave you...." 

"You're everything to me Max." 

"I love you....." Were the last things Max heard before everything faded out to black. 

Dun dun dun. Well, I tried to make this as sad as possible so we could see how grey and sad Max's life would be w/o Logan. I hope it worked. 

~>These guys aren't mine so don't waste your time suing me. :~) 


	5. We Need to Talk

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I'm Scared 

Chapter 5: We Need to Talk 

Logan stared at Max unsure of what to do when she began to sob uncontrollably. She was talking to someone but he couldn't make out exactly what she was saying, but he knew that she was upset. 

"Logan no." the plea escaped her lips loud enough for Logan to understand it. 

What? She's dreaming about me? 

"Max, I'm right here."he soothed with his hand still entwined with hers. 

"Logan, don't leave me, please. Logan no!" Max cried through her sobs. Hearing Max so desperate tore Logan apart. 

"Max, I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here love, I won't leave you." Logan picked her up gently, being careful of her already healing would, so he could hold her in his arms, hoping she would know it was him. 

"Shhhh, shhh. You're safe here Max. Shhh." Logan repeated as he rocked her back and forth like she was a small child. "Shhh." 

It had been 2 long heart-wrenching days since Max had taken the bullet for Logan. And Logan had held true to his promise never leaving her side. Until now Max had remained unresponsive. The only way Logan knew she was still alive was seeing her chest slowly rise and fall. So when her began to fight and cry Logan was undeniably relieved by the signs of life, but he was also alarmed. 

What's going on in that head of hers? 

Logan gently stroked Max's silken locks as he hummed the lullaby his mother used to sing him when he had bad dreams. Soon Max began to calm down as her sobs became tears and her tears soon began to dry as she drifted into a peaceful sleep once more, followed by Logan not long after. 

**************************************************************************** 

Max began to stir the next morning not long after sunrise. Logan had become sensitized to her every move over the past few nights, so her movement had woke him immediately. Exhausted from the emotional stress Logan waited to see if she was waking or simply rolling over in her sleep before he moved. 

"Logan?" At he sound of her voice Logan sat up to see her eyes flutter open. It took a second for her eyes to adjusted to the unwelcome light, but she then focused on Logan with a soft sad look in her eyes. He couldn't keep the smile off his face when he saw the deep chocolate eyes he thought he may never see again. 

No, this has to be a dream. It's just another dream. Logan is dead. You stood there and watched as Brin pulled the trigger. He died in your arms. 

"Hey there sleepy head." Logan said lightly. 

"Hi. I wish you were real Logan. I miss you so much."Max's voice was filled with the same sadness that was in her eyes. 

"Max, what are you talking about?" 

There they are. Those eyes. Even now when he's dead they are still worried about me. They were worried when he was brought in, when he was dying when he died, and when he's dead. 

"You're dead Logan, you're gone forever."a tear rolled down her cheek. 

"I'm right here Max. Alive n' kicking...so to speak." he quipped. A slight smile touched her lips, but faded as quickly as it appeared. "What?" 

"You're real? You're alive?"Max's hand reached up and lightly touched 

his unshaven face. Finding the proof she needed Max threw herself into Logan's arms as tears of joy ran down her face. 

"Oh my God, Logan! Ow! Damn. What happened?" she asked flinching at the pain in her side when she moved to look, but she never broke contact with Logan's warm badly. 

"You were shot, by a bullet meant for me." Logan looked down as he played with her hair, still feeling guilty. "I thought I lost you."he whispered meekly. Max's eyes filled with tears again as she held on to Logan's arm around waist with all she had. 

"I did lose you." she said letting out a shaky breath. "I really tired Logan." Max murmured into his chest when she rolled onto her unharmed side. 

"Just go back to sleep. You need your rest. I'll be right here when you wake up." Logan kissed the top of Max's head, as he softly rubbed her back until she drifted into sleep. 

**************************************************************************** 

I don't know where we stand anymore. 

You've got one foot in my life, 

the other's out the door. 

And I can't believe this is happening to me. 

Okay Cale, just tell her. It will be easier now, you already told her once...she just couldn't hear you. But, you need to tell her you love her. Everyone knows it but her. And like Bling said, she'll never know unless you tell her. I do love her, more than anything. I'd die for her, but will she believe me? You have to trust her not to run. 

Deep inside I've wanted to believe, 

that somehow, maybe someday, 

there'd be someone there for me. 

And I hope, I haven't lost my chance. 

Max stood in Logan's shower thinking about her dream, grateful it was only a dream. 

Okay, so I love Logan. I think I always have, but it took me losing him to see that. What would I do without him? There's one question I never want answered. Could Logan really love me ? He said he did, in my dream. But that was a dream. I have to tell Logan I love him, or he'll never know. 

I can't live without him. 

I can't live without her. 

They thought simultaneously. 

I don't want to wake up to the reality, 

of you not being here with me. 

There's so many possibilities, 

that we've let slip away. 

And if your heart could speak what would it say? 

I've got to mean something to her. Why else would she throw herself in front of a bullet for me? or be so upset when she thought I was dead? I know I mean something to her, but what? That dream scared the hell out of her, I can see that. I know she scared, that's why she runs. 

You're scared 

You're scared 

You're scared 

You're scared 

You're scared, to say you love me. 

I don't know if I can do this. It could be disastrous. What if he doesn't love me? I couldn't bear to hear the I love you like a sister speech that I always give to Zack when he gets out of line. What if he does? I could be putting him in more danger than he realizes, than I realize. 

I'm scared 

I'm scared 

I'm scared 

I'm scared. 

Is she going to run again? Trust her Logan. I don't think I could take her running out on me again. She know she's safe her, at some level. 

Will you want to stay? 

You don't have to run away  . 

I wish I could believe in what I feel. 

I've been fooled so many times before, 

I don't know what is real. 

Maybe I'm just fooling myself. 

I love Logan, I really do. But could he really love me, a freak, a science experiment? I'm so confused. Do I listen to my head or to my heart? 

I've been running out of reasons to let go. 

Max is my one and only. 

Don't let go. 

Logan is the only one who really knows who I am. 

I've tried opening up my feelings, 

but your door is always closed. 

And I find myself dreaming my life away. 

I've tried so many times to tell her, but she sees it coming and pulls her 'gotta blaze' line and is out the door before I know what hit me. But she's so cute when she pretends to have no idea what's coming. 

I don't want to wake up to the reality, 

of you not being here with me. 

There's so many possibilities, 

that we've let slip away. 

And if your heart could speak, what would it say? 

Max you have to do something. A life without Logan isn't a life worth living. I know that now. 

Logan you have to do something. A life without Max isn't a life worth living. I know that now more than ever. 

You're scared 

You're scared 

You're scared 

I'm scared 

You're scared, to say you love me. 

I know she's scared, who can blame her. Hell, I'm scared. 

I'm scared 

I'm scared 

You're scared 

I'm scared. 

Time to face your fears girl. He could be just as scared as you are. 

Max climbed out of the shower and began to dress. Taking a deep breath Max silently walked out of the bathroom and into the hall. 

Will you want to stay? 

Or will you run away? 

Walking down the hall she paused to watch Logan sitting in the kitchen apparently thinking some deep thoughts. Sensing her presence, Logan turned around to see Max watching him. 

"It's good to see you on your feet again."he smiled "How are you feeling?" 

You're scared 

You're scared 

You're scared 

I'm scared 

You're scared, to say you love me. 

"Better. Sore, but better. I guess it helps to be genetically engineered to heal quickly."she said with her normal sarcastic tone and a smile. 

I'm scared 

I'm scared 

You're scared 

I'm scared. 

Their eyes connected for what would have been a few seconds if Max had anything to do with it, but neither could manage to tear their eyes away. 

"Good."was all Logan could manage to get out. 

How could I lie to those eyes? How could I not tell him that I love him? Those eyes keep me my sane, they keep me human. 

You don't have to worry, my love. 

I'm running out of reasons to say no. 

"Logan, we need to talk." 

"Max, we need to talk." They both said in perfect time with each other. 

I don't want to wake up to the reality, 

of you not being here with me. 

There's so many possibilities, 

that we've let slip away...... 

~> Well Max is back! Hope you liked to I think there is goning to be one maybe two more chapters to this so, it's almost done. 

The song is 'I'm Scared' hence the titile and it's by Hoku. It's a duet and I have te guys part with Logan and Hoku's with Max. 

~>The DA characters aren't mine. adn the song isn't either. 


	6. Confessions

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I'm Scared

Chapter 6: Confessions

Max walked into the kitchen and leaned against the wall opposite Logan. She looked terrified but determined to talk.

"Look Max, I've been meaning to"

"Logan wait. I really need to say this now before I lose my nerve."she interrupted.

"Go ahead."he said with curiosity. Taking a deep breath Max dove head first into the confession that would change her life in one way or another.

"I'm sorry about the other night."she began.

"Max, it's fine."she lowered her head with a slight smile at Logan's continual forgiveness.

"I was scared Logan. All my life I was told that emotions were weakness and that they would only get me killed. That's why I ran, that's why I always run. I felt all my defences and barriers crumble when you kissed me. I freaked. Every part of my being screamed 'run'. And I did, leaving behind the best thing that's happened to me. When I saw you in the alley with that thug, I knew I couldn't let you get hurt, not again, not because of me standing back and watching the trigger being pulled."Max choked at the thought. 

"That's why you took the bullet for me."Logan thought out loud.His eyes were filled with concern as he watched Max fight her internal battle. He had never seen her this open, so shaken. Max nodded at Logan's comment. 

"I didn't think twice about. I couldn't let you die. Then I lost you, or at least I thought so. I was back at Manticore."

"Max,"Logan wished that he could do something to erase all her memories from that God-forsaken place.

"Lydecker wanted to know where Zack and the other were. I didn't know and he didn't believe me. Brin walked in dragging you behind her. They had beaten you so badly." tears began to form in Max's eyes as she relived her dream. 

"If I didn't tell Lydecker where Zack was, he would kill you. I guess that's why Zack never told me where the others are. He knows my weakness. I really didn't know Logan, but he still didn't belive me. Lydecker put the gun to your head, ready to pull the trigger."the tears in Max's eyes began to overflow.

"I couldn't sit there and watch him kill you. So I turned myself over to Lydecker and the project, but only if he would let you go. You kept telling me that you weren't worth it and to save myself, with out words. Lydecker agreed to the trade and I thought you would be okay. But he lied Logan, he lied. Brin was the one to fire the shot that would kill you. I killed them both before they knew what hit them. Brin wasn't Brin anymore, she killed you so how could I ever hope of getting my sister back."Max wiped away the tears running down her face, but they were soon replaced by new ones.

"I held in my arms as you died, completely helpless. You said I was free to have a life now with Lydecker dead. My life is cold and empty without you in it. I need you Logan. I've never needed anyone before, but I need you. So when I woke to find you beside me unharmed, I knew I had to say something to let you know how much you mean to me. I had never been so scared as when I thought I had lost you forever."Max slid down the wall as began to sob. Logan was at her side in a second to wipe away her tears. Max leaned her head against his knee taking in Logan's sent.

"I love you Logan. I'm nothing without you. You made me see that there are things in this jacked up world worth saving. I know that you probably don't feel the same, and I understand. How could you love something like me? I'm a freak of nature, a mutation, a cold-blooded killer. I embody all the things that you fight to stop everyday." Max lifted her head to look at Logan's eyes but couldn't bear to see the disgust in his eyes so she look past him.

"I love you Logan Cale, always, no matter what." Her eyes fell to the floor as she ended her confession. Logan's gentle hand reached down towards Max's face as his fingers lifted Max's chin forcing eye contact.

"Max, do you really believe that I think of you as a mutation and a clod-blood killer?" Logan's voice was soft. 

"Why wouldn't you? It's true. I am all of those things and more." Max's eyes were filled with sadness.

"Because, when I look at you I see a smart, strong, compassionate, loyal and beautiful woman. You don't know how often I wish that I was more like you. You stick by your friends no matter how bad the situation may be. You always have a come-back, even when they may not be appreciated,"he added with a smirk, and getting one in return. "When I'm feeling sorry for myself you always put me back in my place or cheer me up with one of your smiles." Logan wiped away her remaining tears.

"Max you are the reason I get up in the morning. If it wasn't for you I'd be dead by now. You gave me back my life when I thought it was over. When you were lying in my bed unconscious I decided that it was now or never, so now I'm living up to it. Max you mean everything to me. You are all that I could have hoped for and so much more. I love you too, Max. I've loved you since the first time I saw you crash into my apartment. I miss you when your still here because I know that you'll have to leave eventually. Max, you are as vital to my existence as air. I don't think that I could live without you, and I don't ever want to find out." 

"Really?"Max asked hopefully.

"Really."Logan answered with a smile. Max looked like a little kid on Christmas morning who just got exactly what they wanted. Throwing herself into Logan's arms Max happy to know that he really did love her, she suddenly remembered Logan's birthday.

"Oh, I almost forgot!"she said as she stood up kissed Logan on the forehead and ran into Logan's bedroom.

"Where you going?" Logan asked completely confused. Max walked out of the bedroom with a box in hand. "What's that?"he asked pointing at the box.

"Open it. It's for you."she said handing it to Logan.

"Max,"

"Oh just open it."Max cut him off sounding slightly exasperated. Logan rolled his eyes as he lifted the top of the box off to find a picture frame with a letter behind it glass. Logan's eyes met her's with some confusion.

"I wrote it while you were in the shower last night. Read."

Logan,

In this crazy city that we call home there is pain, sadness and suffering everywhere you look. But, somehow we managed to find one another amidst all of the chaos. You are my solace, my source of peace and protection from the storm. You mean more to me than anything. I wish that I could in someway repay you for all you've done for me, but there is nothing that you don't already have. Except this one thing that has unknowingly belonged to you for quite a while. Logan I give you my heart, trusting that you will keep it safe from harm. I promise to be by your side in your time of need and when you need a shoulder to cry on. You are my everything Logan Cale, and when I'm with you I have nothing in the world to fear.

Yours forever,

Max.

Max reached over to kiss away the tear rolling down Logan's cheek.

"Happy Birthday."she whispered into his ear. Logan looked at Max never wanting her to leave him again. Max smiled at the only man she would ever love and kissed him expressing everything that she couldn't put into words. 

****************************************************************************

Later on Logan sat on the couch with Max's head in his lap as he played with her hair. They spent the entire morning making out in the kitchen until Bling had walked in on the 'happy couple' as he had put it. Now they were content to simply be in each others presence knowing that they had their entire lives ahead of them to spend together.

"So Bling told you it was my birthday?"Logan asked as he brushed a lock away from Max's face to see her better.

"Yep."she answered as she flopped onto her back. "That's what got this  whole  started.

"Remind me to thank him later." Logan bent down to kiss his angels soft lips.

"Will do."she said between kisses. They had wasted so much time holding onto their fear that neither could imagine ever letting go of each other. Max had never been so happy. She had finally been honest with herself and Logan. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted and she breathe again.

Now I know why they say 'the truth will set you free.'

As for Logan, everything was right in the world as long as he had Max by his side. Nothing else seemed quite as important as it used to. He would finally have a life that he found truly fulfilling. He had his love and he couldn't ask for more. Max loved him and he loved her.

It's funny how everything that seems so complicated boils down to something so simple. 

"You know what Logan?"Max said with mischievous grin. 

"What?"he countered with a grin of his own.

"I think it's time for a Cale culinary miracle."she stated matter of factly, but keeping the mischievous glint in her eye. Logan grabbed a pillow and lightly hit her in the face laughing.

"So that's all I am to you huh? Your own personal chef?"he said laughing.

"Yeah basically."Max said as she laughed and tried to block Logan's playful attacks. 

Max and Logan had finally been honest with themselves and each other. Everything was right in the world as their laughter carried through the building giving other tenets hope of finding their soul mates. If these two people who were so completely different, yet so much alike could do it, anyone can.

****Well, that's it! It's all over!!! Whew. Tell what you think about it n' all that jazz. Thanx so much to all you reviewers out there! I promise I'll be back soon!.luv-ya*****

~>Like I said before they are not mine and never were, so suing would be pointless.


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